Awakened.

I don't know how to start this really. I guess by apologizing.
You see,I have preached the positivity..."God is LOVE!"...and He is.
But you see, saying something, and living it are two different things entirely.

I have made stuff my god.
I have made celebrities my idols.
I am barely awake before I'm checking all my social networks - for validation from people.
I am barely to work before I'm clammoring through all the gossip blogs I read daily.
I have clothed myself in as much as of this world as I have been able.

I wondered why I was plagued with guilt and axiety to the point I could barely function.
I wondered why I was never perfectly content with the money I make and the things I buy.
I wondered why no matter how many new clothes I buy, I never look like the girls in blogs and supermodels in magazines.

I hate missing my tv shows.
I hate not having an unlimited amount of money to spend on magazines.
I hate not being able to buy music and movies and tv shows the day they release.
Yet, there isn't room in my closet for my clothes.
There isn't room anywhere for more CDs, movies, shows, books, or magazines.

Growing up, from middle/high school on, all I wanted was fame and fortune.
I didn't really care or know how I was going to acquire it.
I just needed it.
Later, in college, I wanted (and still want) to work in magazines or fashion.
I'd love to be a novelist.
Now I'm thinking maybe I should do that because God has blessed me with the gift of writing.
It isn't all about me and what I have to say...He has a greater purpose for me...I can't even imagine or dream up anything as good as what He has in store.

You see, it's like I'm finally figuring it out.
I have such a fantastic purpose in my life...in this world.
If I put as much time into my relationship with God as I do with my best friends, I'll be a different person.
I'll be a better person.
I'll be who I'm supposed to be - who God designed me to be.

I grew up in church.
I've heard the sermons and stories.
I've been singing the songs.
Now it's time that outside of church, I live like I believe the real truth.
Twenty-four hours a day. Seven days a week. 365 days a year.
No matter what anyone thinks.

I'm not saying from now on I'll be perfect.
I'm not saying I won't see celebrities as entertaining or clothes as beautiful.
I'm just saying that I'm going to try harder to keep God as my first priority.
It's because of Him that I am able to experience entertainment and beauty.
It's because of Him that I have the love in my life that I do.
I am blessed immensely.

I'll end on a bit of a sidenote:If you have tried church, and tried God, and it wasn't for you, please reconsider.
People aren't perfect.
Churches can sometimes just be buildings.
Just know that God, the real, true God, really is LOVE. Absolute love.

(Somehow, this didn't end up exactly as I'd thought it up in the car, but it isn't about me anyway.)